if i had the courage, i would...
what would we do if we were not held back by our fears? what would we do if we had unlimited bravery? ~ a quick way to fuel transformation
Sometimes life may seem awfully complicated — so many worries, so much that could go wrong, so many options, so many regrets, so little time.
How should we live in order to fulfil our dreams, to realise our potential, to experience joy, to be deeply satisfied with our lives? It’s not easy to find answers for these existential questions.
Buuut maybe life doesn’t have to be rocket science. Maybe we just need to ask the right questions and listen to our heart to find guidance in this maze that we call life.
One of these illuminating questions is: what do I (secretly) dream of? (but maybe am too scared to even acknowledge as a dream?) These can be big dreams or small things.
what would I do if I had the courage?
which job would I apply to? where would I live? would I dare to move abroad? is this something I inwardly dream of but I’m just scared to do? would I share my creative work? where and how would I share it? would I start a creative practice? would I start a new hobby? would I try out a new sport that seems frightening as a bloody rookie? would I date again? would I dare to date a different gender? would I reach out to old or new friends whom I’d like to be closer with? would I open up about a dicey topic with a loved one that I’ve been avoiding? would I share a secret about myself with someone to not stay alone with this anymore? would I dress differently? would I change the way I look? would I distance myself from friends with whom I don’t feel like I can be myself?
I know this may sound freaking terrifying right now, so many frightening scenarios. It certainly scares the hell out of me to ask myself these questions. We all have stuff that we secretly dream of but avoid. It’s human. But maybe, we can also try to gather up some bravery to overcome those fears. Maybe there is something worthwhile waiting for us behind those questions, behind those fears.
It’s not easy to live out our dreams, but in order to do so we first need to know what we even dream of, what we desire. Perhaps not all of those dreams will come to fruition. Especially if we tend to dream of lofty material things, like owning a huge mansion or a yacht, becoming a millionaire, super famous, et cetera et cetera…
dreams of the heart vs dreams of the head
Which is why it’s key to differentiate between dreams of our heart, and dreams of our head or rather our conditioning/our ego. Especially in a world that teaches us a lot of rubbish about success and what supposedly constitutes a good life. It’s a constant challenge not to lose sight of our true dreams in this haze of placeholder desires, of conditioned dreams.
learned hierarchical beliefs - LHBs
So how to discern between the dreams of the heart and the ego? Let me introduce a highly helpful principle: LHBs (=Learned Hierarchical Beliefs).
taught me this enlightening concept: “LHBs have been passed down from generation to generation as a way of organising society along the lines of status, wealth, and power. The foundation of LHBs is that your value depends on where you are on the hierarchy of human worth.” (from Bunny’s stellar book Hello, Higher Self)I am enough and always have been
LHBs mean that some people are worthier than others, more deserving of love and admiration. If you turn this around, it would mean that we all are enough just the way we are: “I am enough and always have been.” This statement sounds pretty simple and not that groundbreaking, right? But looking at our society, at our world, at our conditioning — it’s a pretty radical shift in perspective.
However, we can use the awareness and knowledge of our LHBs to our advantage. We can learn to discern which of our desires are fuelled by the belief that we are not enough and need to accomplish more to become worthy. And which of our dreams are still desirable when we dismantle our conditioning? When we trust that we’re already enough and worthy without achieving anything?
what would we do if we had the courage and if we trusted that we’re already enough?
Our LHBs can be hella loud and create a lot of noise. Like thinking we need to get a promotion to be worthy or we need more followers, more likes, more material wealth, more this, more that. A new car, a bigger house, etc. But do we need really this? Or is what we actually need and dream of something else?
So, let’s do some dream journalling: what do you dream of? what would you do if you had the courage?
Once we know what our heart is longing for, we can then make use of our head, our problem-solving super power and look for strategic ways to achieve our dreams. We can then try to compartmentalise them, take the first step and build on it. Again, if we dream of becoming a superstar, and until we reach this stardom, we won’t be satisfied, this obv will be a tall order. I’m talking more about the little dreams, the small actions that we might be habitually avoiding.
desire map - regard your feelings as road signs to your soul
wrote a marvellous book on the subject of desires as a holistic life-planning tool: “The Desire Map”. She emphasises one question: How do you want to feel? And then going through each area of your life. How do you want to feel at work? In love? In your body? etc. and thus defining your core desires. And using these preferred feelings as a guidance system for making choices. It’s like intention setting for your life. Instead of the usual goal-setting, you’re planning life in order to feel a certain way. It helps immensely with making more empowered choices (aligned with our desires).
If we don’t feel how we want to feel, we can easily ask: why? What is blocking this feeling? What can I change? Danielle LaPorte says: “To feel the way you want to feel as often as possible, you just need to do the easy things to help you feel that way every day. Small, deliberate actions inspired by your true desires create a life you love.”
example from my life:
How do I want to feel at my (creative) work?
I want to feel seen. (Even though I have a deep fear of being seen. I want to show my work, show my talents. Even though I am terrified of actually showing my work)
I want to feel authentic. (not working on something that does not represent who I am. I don’t want to fake anything — be unapologetic myself)
I want to feel challenged. (I don’t want to stay in my comfort zone. I want to grow and learn)
I want to feel meaningful. (that my work actually matters, and it’s serving a purpose I believe in — like bringing more love into the world)
so my core (work) desires are: seen, authentic, challenged, meaningful
=> most of them really scare me, living aligned with these desires will mean I have to leave my comfort zone. But when I’m honest with myself, these are my desires and they are not informed by my LHBs, but my heart
=> now I can make deliberate decisions to choose actions that serve these preferred feelings, choose work environments that serve these desires and monitor if they will continue serving them
wishing you lots of fun creating your own desire maps, finding your dreams of the heart and then lots of courage to go after them
much love